he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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