I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
