It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
