i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
