New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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