Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
