I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
