Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
