I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
