listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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