Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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