The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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