i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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