Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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