You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
