dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
