im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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