Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
