he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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