Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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