I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
