i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
