so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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