these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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