Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
