so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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