if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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