He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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