We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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