You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
