she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
