I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
