Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
