I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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