I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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