Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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