oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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