so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
home. puking in laundry basket.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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