Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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