remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
