dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
