I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
