At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
