he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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