Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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