You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
