Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
