Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
