My liver just broke up with me...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
