So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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