using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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