i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
