There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
