honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
